As I revisit our filmed depression event from months ago, I’m struck by how much of me feels the same. No matter the day, I live between highs and lows, especially as an entrepreneur running a mental health organization. I bite my nails, I take myself on walks, I eat my vegetables. I’ll have a week where I feel nothing matters and I do not understand myself. Then another week where I feel so empowered and interested in myself, my work and the incredible conversations I get to call my career. 

Three years ago, I wrote the Our Story section on saymore. To send that personal story to my tech team felt like the beginning of being open—even with strangers on the internet—about my depression.

In one section, I wrote:

“I still believe that my body is missing the air filter, the sliding screen door that helps filter thoughts and feelings before they hit me straight to the core. Every story I heard, every tender moment I experienced, every good or bad thing landed right on my chest, knocking the wind out of me every time.”

Looking back, I realize how long I’ve been circling this question - why I do this work and why I keep going personally and professionally. See below the response I got from my project manager now friend from across the world.

I am seeing friends experience depression who I never thought would. While we exist in our algorithms, our real lives gently mirror that in ways as well. I think my world is stretching into other avenues of joy, other routes of growth and room to be surprised. But I have always been somewhat depressed. And as I recognize that in myself, I do think I can recognize that in others too. So just my small perspective, this is what I am seeing and reading.

Do Antidepressants Help with Depression? My Experience

A friend recommended Lost Connections by Johann Hari, which challenges the “chemical imbalance” explanation for depression. Hari argues that lack of social connection, community, and purpose are often more central to depression than serotonin levels.

When I started antidepressants at twenty-two, they worked for me. I’ve joked that I’m a “placebo girl,” but even if that’s all it was, the relief was real. A friend of mine is starting anti-depressants for the first time and she is very worried about the side effects so she might find different results. It really is everyone’s unique experience so listen to your gut. And also… if your gut thinks you should just “grin and bear it”…maybe check into why you are fine with making your life harder when you might not have to suffer. Break the cycle!!!

Stress vs. Burnout

The word “burnout” is everywhere now. Research suggests stress often leads toward anxiety, while burnout leans more toward depression (Calm Blog). That framing makes sense: many people are tipping over from stress into burnout, especially in today’s climate.

Here’s a quick stress vs. burnout chart that highlights key differences:

This shift - from stress to burnout - may be why so many are experiencing depression who never thought they would. It IS confusing so take the time for compassion to determine what might be the best next step for #selfcare going forward. 

What Depression Looks Like: Different Experiences, Different Symptoms

As I get older, I seek out others whose depression feels like mine. Just like I wouldn’t take skincare advice from someone with a completely different skin type, or fashion advice from someone half my size, I look for people whose experiences mirror my own.

My depression doesn’t always look like the textbook definition I was taught - never getting out of bed, not showering, crying constantly. Very rarely it might, but more often it looks different. The worst days of my depression feel like a heavy dread where every sad story I hear or angry comment I read on the internet makes me feel like we are on a rotting, terrible, irredeemable planet. Other days are just completely grey, where my mind does what it does and we get by with a little sunshine and a good sweat hopefully. 

I think we do each other a disservice when we say this is what you should do, or shouldn’t do. I do think therapy helps, I do think medication can help but it is what works for you. But it’s not the same for everyone, and we should allow for that complexity and nuance.

I once said on TikTok that I wish no one else knew what depression felt like. I hate when people relate to my darkest moments. And yet, when someone can’t relate, my reflex thought is: must be nice.

As an empathetic person, I believe we’re evolving. It makes sense that sometimes we want to hide in a dark room because the noise, online and offline, is too much. It makes sense that inherited pain from past generations, especially women, still weighs on us. Against that backdrop, “seeking joy” every day feels oversimplified and unrealistic.

Soooo... Do I Still Have Depression?

Depression isn’t a one-size-fits-all condition. It doesn’t always look like the stereotypes, and it doesn’t always respond to the same treatments. It shifts over time, in different bodies, in different lives.

For me, it’s an ongoing relationship - sometimes heavy, sometimes quiet, always requiring attention. For others, it may look entirely different. What matters is making space for that range of experiences and staying curious about what works.

So maybe the better question isn’t “Do I still have depression?” but “How do I keep learning to live with it in ways that let me keep going?”