For six weekends my girlfriend and I parked ourselves at a coffee shop and planned our first big international vacation. She hadn’t left the country since high school, so her excitement was contagious. I felt eager to share my love for Europe with a significant other for the first time. This was going to be perfect!!! ....cue the narrator saying "annnd it was not going to be perfect..."

It’s interesting what looking forward to a vacation can do for the mind and spirit, over-planning, telling everyone you know you will be missing for two weeks, and the anticipation leading up to that first flight. I saw my therapist right before leaving and she noted my mood and energy seemed much better the last few weeks - what had changed? My only answer to her was that I had a vacation coming up! That was enough!

Now…I could write a whole think-piece about how “vacation” and “the escape” lead us to unrealistic, idyllic expectations, but let’s skip the over-intellectualizing. The truth is: the trip wasn’t at all what we hoped for.

First stop: Italy. Nothing like a quaint little town on the lake, tourist season dying down, and pasta and espresso as far as the eye can see. The dream! What we quickly learned was that the locals made it painfully clear we weren’t welcome. After weeks of practicing Italian, I expected at least one warm smile to my “Come stai?” We walked every inch of that place, lingering in restaurant doorways, trying not to bother anyone in the town that was already very bothered by our presence. We could not admit to ourselves that the vibes were off until, on our last night, the one kind waitress admitted to us flat-out: they don’t like visitors. Ah yes, of course, salute!

Next up: Spain. Usually one of my happiest places. We boarded what was supposed to be a six-hour train to the northern coast, only to get rerouted on a bus in sweltering September heat with no AC. It was a long day already and after sweating through our clothes for hours, we got misdirected to a random suburb while trying to find our hotel. I started frustrated-crying (of course), my partner took over, and we found our hotel eventually. Ordering room service in our robes helped a bit despite the sign over the ancient air conditioning warning us... “do not touch” …not a great sign.

But the mishaps weren't finished. To catch our 6:15 a.m. train out of the town, we were warned that cabs were “unreliable” and buses didn’t start running until 6 a.m. Translation: be ready to walk at 5 a.m. with your bags. Oh and it was supposed to rain all morning. Our cab driver did show up, but not before adding “sleepless night worrying about making the one train out a day” to our trip full of woes. 

Finally: Madrid. A real city with more food, kinder people, and sunset walks that reminded us why we were excited for vacation in the first place. Hell, we even met a few friendly faces along the way, finally! We booked a massage and shopped around the beautiful neighborhoods, releasing the stress of the last ten days. I remember when we were planning the trip, we were talking about how sad we would be at the end, imagining us not ready to leave our beautiful vacation-land! The reality was, with a martini in my hand, we counted down the hours til our flight home. 

Here’s the thing: I know I am not the only one looking for an escape these days. Whether that be via a plane ride thousands of miles away or a reality tv show I can binge for hours. The idea of escaping this extremely intense world right now is seductive, but also a luxury and a privilege I can’t really enjoy. Life doesn’t take a holiday just because you booked one. People can be really rude, trains and buses can break down, and air conditioning might not be guaranteed. Life is still going to life…and maybe that isn't the worst thing.

Even though our vacation was not the best, my relationship with my girlfriend came out stronger than ever. What we wanted was a break and some days we did get that. The reality was not what we hoped for but it gave us a new appreciation for the city we do live in, communities we are a part of back home, and the air conditioning that exists in every... single... room. 

Now if only I could muster the energy to book those Thanksgiving flights home. Sorry, Mom.